Kristina Colangelo:

And I just remember getting that fetal ejection reflex that I wanted, but at the time I was like, “I don’t want it. Take it back. I don’t want this. I’m done.” And so, I ended up saying, “I need my daddy. I need him.” And I knew that I would need him because he’s always been my rock. 

Adriana Lozada: That is Kristina Colangelo sharing her initial reaction to the intensity she felt during the pushing stage, but let’s take it back to when Kristina was gobbling up Birthful episodes, taking hypnobirthing classes, reading books, and basically doing all the things to help her feel ready for birth. I’m Adriana Lozada and you’re listening to Birthful, here to inform your intuition. 

Welcome, Kristina. It is so lovely to have you here on the show to tell your story today. And why don’t you tell us first a little bit about yourself and how you identify? 

Colangelo: Okay, so I am Kristina Colangelo. I identify as she/her. And I am a stay-at-home mom now. I got out of the work sector a year ago when I became pregnant, and I am a trained doula and professional baker. 

Lozada: So, take us back about a year and a half ago, when you were first pregnant, and what were some of those things that you did to prepare that were key for the birth experience that you were looking to have? 

Colangelo: So, I think first and foremost, the main thing would obviously be your podcast. I’ve been listening to that for years now. I want to say probably three years. I also found a hypnobirthing-type class and then I did a bunch of reading. I read Ina May Gaskin’s books. I tried to watch as many birth videos as I possibly could, just as many positive videos, home births, hospital births, the whole enchilada, because I really wanted to be prepared for anything at that point. And then I really just kind of sat back and just tried to listen to myself, and just tried to listen to what my body was telling me to do. 

So, I really wanted… At first, I really wanted to have a home birth, but I knew that that was just going to cause kind of a lot of stress on our end, just with me being a first-time mother, and with my family, that wasn’t something that they were really prepared for with us living so far out of town. So, we decided on having a birth center birth, and it was really important to me that I had actually the midwives that trained me as a doula as my midwives. And the kind of problem I ran into was that they live four hours away, so they were so gracious enough to offer up the opportunity to have my birth there, and so we just really had to figure out how to make that work. 

But with that kind of came some difficulties that I didn’t foresee with getting diagnosed with severe hyperemesis gravidarum at about six weeks pregnancy on. So, I was kind of struggling with that, worrying that that might kind of implode my plans of having a birth center birth with my midwives, because it was really starting to cause a lot of severe weight loss, and I was throwing up all the way to my appointments, and all the way back. I ended up having to be on IVs, and then that led to me being severely anemic, which if you are anemic, you cannot have a birth outside of a hospital once you hit a certain level, I guess. So, then I had to start really packing in the iron pills and I started taking a probiotic, because I was worried about group B strep, and was worried about gestational diabetes, and just all of these things that go on in your head about what if, what if, what if. 

And so, for me, I just spent a lot of my pregnancy just miserable, in bed, throwing up 20, 30-plus times a day, not keeping anything more than Taco Bell down, but in the end, I was able to have, as you’ll hear, like my dream birth. 

Lozada: So, take me forward to that dream birth, and at that point, did the hyperemesis gravidarum get better? We’re gonna call it HG from now on. Did the HG impact where you could give birth and how you could give birth? Because that was one of your worries. 

Colangelo: So, it did not improve. It was absolutely gut wrenching, horrible, horrendous, until the moment Adelaide left my body. But it honestly did not impact my birth other than I just really had to be mindful of hydrating during the birth, because it was really important to me that I had a very hands-off pregnancy and birth, and even through pregnancy, we only wanted one ultrasound, and that got kind of upended, because at our one ultrasound, my daughter was diagnosed with bilateral clubfoot, which meant she had it in both feet versus some babies just get it in one. 

Lozada: Okay. How did learning that your daughter had bilateral clubfoot impact your mental state and your stress levels during pregnancy? 

Colangelo: So, at first it really, really impacted things, right? Because when your ultrasound tech turns to you and says, “I’m going to tell you something and it might upset you,” you go into panic mode and you start thinking about what is my child’s life going to be like, all of these things, but he was so good at letting me know this is not going to be a big deal. It’s very treatable. It should not impact your birth plan whatsoever. You should be able to have everything you want. As long as baby flips at the right time, we’re all good. So, really the only stress level I had was that she was still breech at about 30 weeks, and so I had to start doing the Spinning Babies, just to try to get her to kind of move it along. 

Lozada: So then, let’s get to D day. How did everything start? 

Colangelo: So, it’s really funny, because I had actually had a prenatal appointment the day before my water broke, and we had been joking around with Adi and saying, “Oh, if you could be born on the three-day weekend, that would be nice, because grandma and grandpa won’t have to take time off work, and I don’t want to have to wait until 42, 43 weeks, but I don’t want you to come too early, so if you could come at 39 weeks, this would be perfect.” 

So, I go to my prenatal, and of course I’m puking the whole way there, and I get there and we… No sign of labor, so I was just really uncomfortable. My back hurt, but I was in the car for four hours at a time, so that was pretty normal. And so, we scheduled my next week’s appointment and said, “See you hopefully later.” And so, I got home that night at about 7:00 PM, and my husband was building a greenhouse, so I went out trying to be the big, bad wife, because I used to be a powerlifter, and help build the greenhouse. And I was complaining my back hurt, but again, I’m super pregnant, so that’s normal. 

And we went to bed about 10:00 PM and I remember just flying out of bed between like 11:00 PM and midnight, not conscious, just realizing I’m coming out of bed, standing in the middle of my bathroom floor and realizing that I feel like I’m peeing myself. And I just come to consciousness and I’m like, “What is happening?” And then all of a sudden, I just like an immediate adrenaline rush, panic goes through me, I’m like, “Oh my gosh. I think I’m in labor. I think my water is breaking.” But I didn’t want to tell my husband, so I text my midwife and I’m like, “Oh my God, I think my water just broke.” 

So, we’re going through all these different things. What does it smell like? Is there a lot of it? At that point, I felt comfortable waking up my husband, waking up my parents, and we headed off to the birth center because I didn’t want to get stuck in the car. So, at that point, I tried to make myself as uncomfortable as possible, because I refused to allow myself to think I might give birth in the car, and so I just told myself, “Do all the things you know that will stop labor, and just so you can get there.” 

So, we got to the birth center that morning and my midwife arrived. She was already there anyway. And she checked me, but I was only at like a two, and so I was kind of like, “Aw.” 

Lozada: So, now you’re about nine hours into labor, eight hours into labor, and you’re about two centimeters. That sounds like a good… Early labor takes some longer time to start, so that sounds like a reasonable vaginal check. Did it feel disappointing to you? 

Colangelo: I think it did only because my water had broken, and so we were scared that I was on that time clock, and so in my head I was just like, “Oh my God, now I really have to do all the things to make that happen.” And so, that… We ended up just walking around Lowe’s for a lot of it, but I will say that nobody told me that you leak a lot during pregnancy. Even as a doula, I didn’t know that. So, I just had a little pad, like nothing, and I remember flying across Lowe’s, just like, “Oh my God, I’m peeing myself. Everybody get out of the way. I need to go.” And just spent the whole time being like, “Oh my God, mom. This is awful. I stink. And I’m peeing myself.” And she’s just like, “Baby, you’re in labor. It’s okay. Just do your thing.” 

Lozada: Right, because once your water breaks, you continue to leak throughout, like your body keeps making water and it keeps coming out. 

Colangelo: Yes. I had no idea. After we left Lowe’s, we went and got some food, went back to the birth center, and at that point I want to say that I got checked again, but I was only at like a three. I mean, it literally had gone nowhere. And so, we made the decision to go to my doula’s home at that point, because I didn’t feel comfortable laboring in a hotel. I felt like I was gonna get kicked out. And I just did not want to have to worry about that. I really wanted to be free and not have to say, “Okay, come over here, doula. No, don’t come over. Okay, come over. No, don’t come over.” 

So, we ended up just being at her home for that main portion of that kind of like midway point in labor, to where I wasn’t really fully in active labor yet, but things were really picking up to that point. And meanwhile, I’m also throwing up my whole labor, so we ended up having to speed things along a little bit, because we were worried about hitting… We had kind of just hit that 12-hour mark. And so, my midwife kind of spoke with me about things about what we wanted to do, and we ended up having my doula, who’s also a professional massage therapist, give me a massage with fennel essential oil basically to jumpstart labor and massage techniques on different pressure points. And at that point she said, “If this doesn’t work, we’re gonna try nipple stimulation.” 

Lozada: Let me have you back up. You said you were at that 12-hour mark. Let’s explain a little bit more what that is. And this is something that just fit with your providers in terms of their protocol at 12 hours after your water breaking, what would happen. 

Colangelo: So, at that point they really have to jumpstart things, because I guess it used to be in Utah that at 24 hours, you were mandated to go into the hospital after your water has broken. So, at that point, I really was on… I only had 12 hours left before my hopes of having my full physiologic, no stress kind of birth were going out the window. So, we really wanted to do as much as we could holistically to get things moving at that point, so thankfully she gave me a call about an hour later and said, “Stop everything. If you haven’t done it yet and you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to. We looked up the newest laws and it looks like you actually have a lot longer before you have to be admitted to the hospital, like days. So, we’re good to go if you don’t want to do anything else.” 

And from that point, my body was like, “Yes!” And just started all the things, and my body really started kicking it in gear at that point. 

Lozada: So, when you say kicking it in gear, what were contractions feeling at that point and how did they change? 

Colangelo: So, at that point, I really was just like, “Oh, I’m contracting. Oh, it’s annoying.” And so, I got up and I took a shower, because I wasn’t allowed to get in the bath, and at that point, that literally I can say was probably, other than the puking during contractions, was the worst part of my labor. Because I just wanted to be in the bathtub. I live in the bathtub. That is my everything. That’s my happy place. Just made it worse. 

Lozada: And they didn’t want you to get in the bathtub because they had some protocol against infection happening? 

Colangelo: Yeah, so they were worried. They just said that it could potentially get water inside of the vagina if you are sitting in the bath late labor.  

Lozada: Yeah, and I want to say that every practice has different protocols, and I’ve seen it go both ways. I’ve seen it like your water breaks and there’s no problem at all if you want to get into the bathtub, and then your water breaks and it’s like, “Oh no, avoid it like the plague.” So, it really… It’s interesting to me how that can fluctuate so much. 

Colangelo: Yes, definitely, and it really goes to show you how important your mind over matter is, because literally just knowing I couldn’t really made it so hard for me. And so, the shower was a way for me to still get kind of that warmth, and that feeling, and my husband even says till this day, as soon as I got out of the shower, it was like the waves… I mean, my contractions just hit full force, and I was just loud, and I just remembered to try and be as animalistic, and deep, and just aggravating as possible to everybody, because it just felt so good, and that was literally the only way that I could make it through. 

And so, I had my doula, because I was laboring at her home. She laid by my bedside and she’d go to sleep and wake up for my contraction, do some counterpressure, lay back down again. And we did that on and off, and I went to Taco Bell, and I got a little bit of Taco Bell. Again, that was the only thing I could keep down. And we really just kind of waited things out, waited things out, because my midwife didn’t really want me to necessarily come to the birth center unless I wanted to go. I mean, she said I could if I wanted, but if I was comfortable laboring at her home, to just try to wait it out as long as possible. 

Lozada: And how far was her house from the birth center?

Colangelo: Her home was only like five minutes from the birth center. 

Lozada: Okay, so-

Colangelo: So, it made it so much easier than having to even navigate anything else at that point. 

Lozada: So, then you’re at her house, you’ve eaten some Taco Bell, contractions are coming strong, you guys are really relaxing into it and kind of getting that support through the contractions and trying to do basically nothing in between. Then what happened? 

Colangelo: So, at that point, things just really got to the point where I was like, “I cannot. We need to go. I need to get somewhere else. We just need to mix it up. I’m in way too much pain.” I mean, I was doing my hypnobirthing, but I definitely can say you know you’re in labor, so we picked up, and I remember I had a contraction right before I got in the car, and it was agonizing. I just… It was crippling. I got in the car, we got to the birth center, as soon as I got out, I had another crippling contraction right there in my mom’s arms. We went in, and at that point I just went into the kind of birthing room that they have set up, like the bed, and I laid down like almost in a child’s pose, but more with my legs spread, so that I was really stretching everything out. 

And I laid there. I rubbed my belly and I just spoke to my daughter and I said, “You know, even if I’m puking, thank you for showing me how strong you are.” That was my mantra through my whole pregnancy. Thank you, body, for showing me that my daughter is still living inside of me. I will take whatever you throw at me if this means that my daughter is healthy and thriving at the end. I will take it. And my mom just took me into her arms, and she held me, and I told her thank you for going through this for me, and it was just incredible having her, my doula doing counterpressure, and my husband stayed with me the entire time as a dadla. Just reminding me the thing that he had seen in class. And that was incredible. 

Lozada: And you had mentioned that her clubfoot impacted the labor. How did it impact it?  

Colangelo: So, her clubfoot ended up impacting it because just with me being so small and her being so scrunched up the way she was, she was very posterior still when I went into labor. So, during my labor, my doula ended up using the rebozo, just to try help kind of create space for her to try to get into a little bit of a better position. And it took quite a while. It took about 30 minutes. My midwife even commented on how well she did at just sticking with it and helping me through things. But ultimately, I think things must have done something, because she kind of really started to move along, and things started to progress a little bit quicker after that. 

Lozada: You felt things shift. 

Colangelo: At least I feel like they did. Yes. And so, at that point I was checked at… I don’t know, probably 9:30-ish, and they said, “Yep. You’re ready. Let’s get in.” I didn’t even wait for the birth water to be cool. It was hot as heck when I got in. And as soon as I went in, I just threw off my clothes, sunk into the water, and it was like every cell in my body relaxed. And it was just absolute nirvana, and I just like… Pushing began without me knowing it was beginning, because my body just like went from seven to, “Let’s do this thing,” because of that stinking bath water. And at that point, I started yelling, “I can’t stop it.” 

And I just remember getting that fetal ejection reflex that I wanted, but at the time I was like, “I don’t want it. I take it back. I don’t want this. I’m done.” And so, I ended up saying, “I need my daddy. I need him.” And I knew that I would need him because he’s always been my rock, so he grabbed my hands, because I didn’t feel comfortable. I said, “I don’t want to hurt anybody.” So, I grabbed him. I leaned back, because that was the only way I felt like I wasn’t going to tear, and I just stared him in the eyes and he said, “Remember all the hard times we’ve been through. Remember all the times we used to run together. We’re right there. This is right where you’re at. You’re almost there.” 

My midwife at one point had to stare me in the eyes and I just had to say, “Please don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me. Just keep talking to me. Do whatever you have to do.” And I pooped at one point and I was like, “Oh my gosh, I’m pooping. I’m so sorry.” Even though I knew I was supposed to. So, another midwife is fishing it out. You know, it just was so magical, and funny, so it literally… I almost got depressed after birth, only because it was such an incredible feeling, I just wanted to experience it every day. 

Lozada: And when you were saying you were trying to fight that fetal ejection reflex, why? What was making you fight it? 

Colangelo: I was fighting it just because it was so intense, and I was just not prepared for it. And in my head, I was just like, “This is the worst poop I’ve ever had in my life and it’s gonna blow out my butt.” I literally was just screaming, “It’s my butt. My butt is gonna explode.” I just had to do whatever I could do to remind myself that like, “Okay, if I do it at this angle, it doesn’t quite feel like that, and I can allow this.” And when I say there was no break, I mean, her head and body came out in one swoop like a torpedo. There was no… It was like she crowned for a second and then just shot out. My husband could barely catch her in time because she just was so slippery and he had his hands at my perineum, my midwife showed him how to do that, and yeah… It was just magical. She came out teeny tiny, and immediately was pink and screaming, and immediately started sucking on my arm. 

Lozada: Aw! With all that intensity, did you tear at all? 

Colangelo: I did not. I had a tiny little abrasion, but I was up walking around afterwards. My midwives were like, “Please get in bed. You just had a baby.” Adi was so small, I didn’t even have diapers small enough for her, so two hours after the birth I was proving I could urinate by myself, out the door, and at Target buying some preemie diapers, and hiking my bags from the cars to the hotel room, which inevitably almost did make me pass out, so I did kind of actually regret that after a little bit. 

Lozada: Because you just… you’re still on that adrenaline high. But I don’t think… There’s gotta be very few people who had a birth and then went to Target to buy some newborn diapers. What was her size? How big was she? 

Colangelo: She was five pounds, eight ounces.

Lozada: So, yeah, a little peanut. 

Colangelo: She was the smallest they had ever delivered. 

Lozada: And that was at 39 weeks. 

Colangelo: Yes. Exactly at 39 weeks on the dot. At 10:08 AM. 18 and a half inches. 

Lozada: And you were saying the most intense part was definitely this pushing stage and the fetal ejection reflex. And how your dad really got you through it. Why do you think that was? What was… What got you through it? 

Colangelo: Just that intense love that I felt, like I have never felt more cared for, and safe, and sacred in my entire life, and just knowing that even if my parents didn’t trust the process, and didn’t feel comfortable, they never showed it to me, and they just did everything that I had asked them, and fought with them for the entire pregnancy, and to have them experience that with me and see what birth could be, and see that it doesn’t have to be scary, it doesn’t have to be traumatic, and to bring their own grandchild into the world, that to me was everything. Like staring my midwife in the eyes and experiencing my baby coming out and just staring her deep in the eyes, like I can’t even explain the spiritual connection that that gave me with her. 

And ultimately, now I want to train as a midwife under her because of that. 

Lozada: Kristina, what would you say to people listening and who are feeling maybe anxiety or fear about the process of giving birth and the intensity? What would you say to them? 

Colangelo: It’s so okay to feel like that, and you’re going to feel like that, but if you can embrace that and just surround yourself with people that you know will get you through that, like ultimately just surrender to it and know that you can’t be in control of anything whatsoever, but if you can be in control of the people around you and know that you are going to be sacred in that space, and you have found your people to ensure that you are going to feel that way no matter what, then you can feel comfortable knowing that whatever comes your way, it doesn’t matter. You are going to walk away from it thriving and just bringing towards the world more peace and more positivity. And so, just embrace it, embrace the fear, embrace the sensations, and the discomfort, and the grossness, and just live it, and thrive in it, and just take it for what it is, and just know that we are meant to do it. 

Lozada: Thank you so very much for sharing your story with us today and I’m so glad you had an experience that was so powerful, like the one you were looking for. 

Colangelo: Yes. Thank you so much. And I can honestly say your podcast seriously absolutely changed my life years ago and I can’t say how much of an honor it is to be on it after so long. So, it’s incredible. 

Lozada: Thank you so much. Yay!

That was mom and professional baker, Kristina Colangelo. You can find her on Instagram @PowerBaker. I hope that your main takeaway from this episode is how vital it is to have a solid support team that can help you get through the unexpected ups and downs of birth, even if you have done all the things to prepare. 

So, the one thing you can do for you is to choose your birth team wisely, and get a doula, especially in these pandemic times where family member support is generally limited to one person. Having a doula is gonna make an enormous difference. The one thing you can do for the rest of us is to learn about, share, and support the work being done by Miracle Feet to eliminate clubfoot, which is a treatable condition that affects over two million children worldwide. Miracle Feet is increasing access to proper treatment for children born with clubfoot in low and middle-income countries through partnerships with local healthcare providers, enabling them to live fully productive, active, and healthy lives. Learn more at miraclefeet.org.  

Lozada: Birthful was created by me, Adriana Lozada, and is a production of Lantigua Williams & Co. The show’s senior producer is Paulina Velasco. Jen Chien is our executive editor. Cedric Wilson is our lead producer and Kojin Tashiro mixed this episode. Thank you for listening to and sharing Birthful. Be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, Spotify, and everywhere you listen, and come back next week for more ways to inform your intuition. 

CITATION: 

Lozada, Adriana, host. “[Birth Stories]: Why a Birth Team Was Key in Overcoming Her Fears.” Birthful, Lantigua Williams & Co., April 14, 2021. Birthful.com.